


Pickles and Pizza Sauce

by hawksonfire



Series: Mandatory Fun Day [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, BAMF Pepper Potts, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Children are so freaking cute, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint has a Secret Daughter, Deaf Clint Barton, M/M, Mandatory Fun Day #5, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, adorable children, the Avengers go to school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 13:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18522412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawksonfire/pseuds/hawksonfire
Summary: Clint and the Avengers go to an elementary school to spend some time with some impressionable young youth. It goes about as well as you'd expect.





	Pickles and Pizza Sauce

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Mandatory Fun Day [ prompt #5 ](https://mandatoryfunday.tumblr.com/post/184200327218/this-week-weve-got-another-request-an-anon-asked)
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this. Dad!Clint is sort of my favourite.

**Clint**

The second Clint heard about ‘Pizza with the Avengers Day’ at Briar Hill Elementary School, specifically Ms. Rosenberg’s third-grade class, he resigned himself to astonished looks and teasing from the team after they got back. Tony would be awful, Steve would try to reign Tony in but he would be busy giving Clint the ‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell us this, we’re a team, don’t you trust us’ look, Bruce and Thor honestly wouldn’t care, Natasha already knew, and Bucky - well, Clint didn’t know what Bucky would say.

He’d managed to keep this a secret from his boyfriend since they started dating - and it’s not like he was never going to tell him. People just never stuck around Clint for very long, and he didn’t want to put Bella through that.

“Hey, Legolas, you with us?” Tony asks, rapping his knuckles on Clint’s head.

“Ouch, Tony, stop!” Clint complains halfheartedly, rubbing at his head. “I’m listening, what do you want?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Pay attention, we’re almost at the school.”

Clint looks out the window and sure enough, they’re three streets away from pulling into the school. The whole team is in full Avenger’s regalia - although Tony has on one of his newer suits that comes out of a bracelet he wears. Bucky’s arm is exposed and he has no (visible) weapons, but Clint knows for a fact that he has three knives on him right now. “Hey, you okay?” Bucky says softly, leaning towards Clint.

“Fine,” Clint says, “Just thinking about how the kids will react to seeing the real live Captain America and Iron Man in the flesh.”

Bucky snorts. “Probably gonna pee their little pants.”

Clint pictures that in his mind - twenty-eight young humans standing in a pool of their own pee, and Steve and Tony standing there with panicked expressions on their faces, and he breaks out into laughter. “Steve and Tony’s _faces_ ,” he chokes out when Bucky looks at him with concern. That sets Bucky off too, and the two of them spend the rest of the car ride laughing their asses off.

“Hey, chucklefucks,” Steve says - which of course sets the two of them off again. Steve rolls his eyes. “We’re here. Remember, watch your fucking language - these are children we’re dealing with.”

“Great example, Cap,” Natasha says dryly. “Все будет хорошо,” she says, squeezing Clint’s thigh before getting out of the car. Clint lets everyone else go first and takes a deep breath before he climbs out as well, immediately being greeted by a swarm of young children.

“Hey, mister! Are you Hawkeye?” One little boy asks him, eyes wide.

Clint grins. He drops down to the boy’s level and smiles at him. “Sure am! What’s your name, hotshot?”

“I’m Brian. I’m eight years old.” Brian informs him, holding up eight fingers.

“Wow, eight whole years!” Clint says, feigning shock. “You’re almost old enough to join the Avengers!”

Brian’s eyes grow wider. “Really?” he shouts, grinning.

Clint nods. “As long as you eat all your vegetables and get your homework done on time!” Brian jumps forwards and hugs him, barely avoiding being poked in the eye by his bow - he probably should not have brought that along, but then he’s just the guy in purple. Brian releases him just as quickly as he grabbed him and runs away, disappearing into the crowd.

He spots a familiar pair of lopsided blond pigtails through the sea of children and despite himself, he hopes that the child belonging to those pigtails sees Nat first. But as always, he has terrible luck. Or amazing luck, really - depends how you look at it.

“Daddy!” Her voice rings out through the crowd, drawing Ms. Rosenberg’s attention, as well as the rest of the team. Clint grins despite his churning stomach and crouches down, arms opening wide.

“Hey, chicken!” Bella throws herself into his arms and Clint ‘oofs’ dramatically, catching her and swinging her in the air. “Gosh, it’s been _so long_ since I last saw you - you’ve gotten so big!”

“Daddy!” She giggles and the sound makes Clint grin even wider. “You saw me this morning! You did my pigtails remember?”

Clint shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so. I did your pigtails yesterday, silly!” He tickles her tummy and she shrieks, making his hearing aids whine with feedback. He winces and she stops, tugging at her earlobe and apologizing.

“Sorry, daddy. Inside voice from now on, promise,” She holds out her pinkie solemnly.

“‘S okay, baby girl, you didn’t mean to,” Clint says, linking his pinkie with hers. “Why don’t you go see Auntie Nat, okay? Don’t want to hog me all to yourself, do you?”

Bella looks at him seriously. “I do want you all to myself, but you said sharing is caring. And you’re my daddy so I gotta listen to you as long as listening to you doesn’t put me or anyone else in danger.” She kisses him on the cheek messily and he puts her down, snorting as she parrots his lesson on listening to him back to him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Clint says, chucking her under the chin, “Scram, chicken.”

She giggles and runs towards Nat, dropping at the last second and sliding through Nat’s legs with a peal of laughter that lights up Clint’s soul when he hears it. “Mr. Hawkeye sir?” A small voice says from Clint’s knee. He looks down to see Brian again, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“Hey, Brian!” Clint says, grinning. “What’s going on?”

“Can you introduce me to the Winter Soldier? He’s my favourite and I love him, but he’s a lot bigger in person. I wanna be able to hug him properly when I talk to him and if you lift me up, I can.” Clint’s heart just about melts and he nods quickly.

“I can do that,” Clint says, smiling softly at Brian, “You wanna walk over there or be carried?”

“Walk, please,” Brian requests. After a few seconds, he reaches up and grabs Clint’s hand and Clint leads him over to where Bucky is leaning against the wall, watching the kids with a blank face.

“Hey, Winter,” Clint says, grinning when Bucky’s eyes snap to him, “I’ve got a friend here who wants to meet you.” He scoops Brian up into his arms and faces him towards Bucky.

Brian looks at Bucky and says, “My name’s Brian and I’m eight. Can I hug you? My poppa says that you’re always s’posed to ask people ‘fore you touch them, and you’re ‘specially s’posed to ask vet-er-ans becos they fought for our country and we have to respect vet-er-ans becos sometimes they come back with brain booboos.”

Clint has to shove the ball of emotion that appears in his throat far, far down. By the looks of it, so does Bucky. “Sure, Brian. I wouldn’t mind a hug, since you asked so nice.”

Brian still doesn’t reach out to Bucky. “My poppa says that you shouldn’t do things becos people ask you to do them, but becos you wanna do them. Do you want me to give you a hug?”

Clint grins at Bucky’s astonished face. “Yeah, Brian, I really do want a hug from you, I promise,” Bucky says solemnly. Brian finally reaches out to Bucky and Clint carefully hands him over, wiping away some stray eye-dampness when Bucky takes him like he’s holding something worth millions of dollars.

“You’re my favourite Avenger,” Brian mumbles into Bucky’s shoulder.

“Why’s that?” Bucky murmurs into Brian’s hair.

“Becos if you can become an Avenger even with your pros-tet-ick arm, then maybe I can become an Avenger, even though I have a pros-tet-ick leg,” Brian says, pulling up his pant leg a little bit to show them the plastic prosthetic.

Bucky swallows audibly. “You can do anything you want to do when you grow up, Brian,” he says softly, squeezing a little tighter before letting him go.

“Mr. Hawkeye said that I could become an Avenger if I ate all my vegetables and do all my homework on time,” Brian says seriously.

Bucky looks at Clint and grins, eyes sparkling with mirth. “Oh he did, did he?” Brian nods. “Well, that’s true and you have to do those things to become an Avenger for sure. But you know what else you have to do?”

“What?” Brian asks, eyes wide.

“You have to go over to Iron Man over there and tell him that you think I’m smarter than him,” Bucky says seriously. Clint turns his snort into a cough and covers his mouth.

“How come?” Brian asks.

“Because,” Clint says quickly, “It’ll make him make a funny noise that will make Black Widow laugh, and making Black Widow laugh is the thing that all Avengers strive for.”

“I can do that!” Brian says excitedly, wiggling in Bucky’s arms. Clint scoops him out of Bucky’s arms and sets him down gently, and Brian immediately sets out for Tony, determinedly pushing through the crowd of kids surrounding him.

“You are a terrible person, Barnes,” Clint accuses, grinning, “Making a kid do your dirty work.”

“Please,” Bucky scoffs, “Like you weren’t thinking of a way to make one of these kids ask Steve where babies come from.”

“Well, I wasn’t before you said that!” Clint cries, already trying to come up with a way to do exactly that. A loud squawking noise bursts through the air and Clint and Bucky watch Brian turn to face Natasha to find her laughing.

He rushes back towards them, grinning proudly. “Did you see, did you see! I make Ms. Widow laugh!”

Bucky holds his metal hand out for a high-five. “You sure did! I don’t think I’ve seen her laugh that hard since Captain America spilled oatmeal on his underwear.”

Brian’s eyes get huge. “Captain America spilled oatmeal on his underwear?!” He shrieks. His voice carries across the classroom, reaching Steve and making his head whip up as he glares at them. Bucky and Clint burst into laughter again, tears streaming down their face.

“He sure did, Brian,” Bucky says, still chuckling. “Why don’t you go ask him about it?” Brian nods furiously and races across the classroom, immediately peppering Steve with questions.

“That was mean,” Natasha says, appearing beside Clint suddenly with Bella hanging off of her.

“That was hilarious,” Clint argues, scooping Bella into his arms.

“Daddy, who’s that?” Bella says, looking at Bucky curiously. Bucky stiffens.

“That’s Bucky, chicken,” Clint says.

“Boyfriend Bucky?” Bella whispers.

Clint laughs. “Boyfriend Bucky,” he confirms. Bella scrambles across his chest and attaches herself to Bucky.

“If you’re my daddy’s boyfriend, can you come over for dinner tonight? Do you love him? How come I haven’t met you before? Are you gonna be around for a long time? If you’re gonna stay around, can I call you Poppa? Casey has a daddy and a poppa and I want a daddy and a poppa too!” Bucky looks startled under the barrage of questions, and Clint just grins - up until the last two, anyway.

Bucky looks to Clint for answers but Clint just raises an eyebrow. He kinda wants to know the answer to the questions Bella asked. “You’ll have to ask your dad if I can come over for dinner tonight, yes I love him, I’ve been super duper busy with Avengers stuff, I plan to be, and you’ll have to talk to your dad and make sure it’s okay to call me that,” Bucky says smoothly.

“Well, daddy?” Bella asks impatient, twisting around to look at Clint. “Can he come over for dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, chicken,” Clint says absently, staring at Bucky, “He can. We’re gonna have spaghetti tonight, okay?”

“Spaghetti!” Bella shrieks, kissing Bucky on the cheek and then Clint, then wiggling until Clint takes her from Bucky and hands her to Natasha - who, bless her, leads Bella away, knowing that Bucky and Clint need to talk.

“You love me, huh?” Clint says softly, grinning like a moron.

“Yeah, I do,” Bucky sighs, “Don’t know what my brain was thinking. You’re an idiot.”

“Hey!” Clint protests.

“Wasn’t finished, asshole,” Bucky mutters quietly, “You’re an idiot, sure. But you’re _my_ idiot.”

Clint grins. “Love you too, Buck.”

“Would you be okay with Bella calling me that?” Bucky asks hesitantly. “You know the serum made it so I can’t have biological kids and -”

“Bucky, stop,” Clint says gently, taking Bucky’s hand. “I would love it if you became Bella’s poppa.”

“Really?” Bucky breathes, eyes wide. Clint nods, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. “Fuck, Clint, I want to kiss the shit out of you right now, but there are impressionable youth around,” Bucky growls, eyes zeroed in on Clint’s mouth.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you just gave me a little kiss,” Clint breathed, swaying closer. Their lips are just about to touch when something hits the side of Bucky’s face with a splat. He jerks backwards and Clint bursts into laughter, doubling over at the sight of raw pizza dough sliding down Bucky’s startled face.

“Who threw that?” Bucky growls playfully, looking at the kids. As one, they all lift their hands and point at Steve, who turns bright red and shakes his head furiously.

“No, it wasn’t me! Swear!” He cries, backing away as Bucky advances.

“Captain America just told a lie!” Bella screams, standing on her chair and pointing at Steve. Clint shoves his fist into his mouth to keep from snorting out loud. Bella knows damn well what a shit Steve is, she’s just a professional shit-disturber herself.

“If Captain America lies, does that mean I can lie?” Brian asks, eyes wide.

“No, kids,” Steve says in his Cap voice, “Telling lies is bad, especially if it’s to get yourself out of trouble.”

“Then how come you lied?” Brian asks innocently. Steve sputters, searching for an answer and his eyes land on Clint, pleading for help.

Clint sighs. He’s going to get in so much trouble for this. “FOOD FIGHT!” He roars, grabbing some tomato sauce from the table and hurling it at Tony’s face. The classroom erupts into screams as kids flock to various Avengers, claiming them for their team. Clint grins at the chaos - then yelps as someone throws a pickle at him, hitting him in the eye.

“Gotcha daddy!” Bella hoots from Bucky’s shoulders, laughing.

“Why you little -” Clint launches himself at Bucky, grabbing food along the way. “I’m gonna get you, chicken!” Bella’s screech of laughter and “Go faster, Poppa, he’s behind us!” as Bucky darts away is the best sound Clint’s ever heard - even if her screech does make his hearing aid squeal.

~~~~~~

“- never seen such irresponsible behaviour from fully-grown adults in my life!” Pepper rants, pacing back and forth. “The bill from that school -”

“Is coming out of my personal account,” Clint interrupts, smiling apologetically. “It is my fault, so I’ll pay for it.”

“Fine,” Pepper huffs, “But what about the PR shitstorm?”

“The Avengers spend an afternoon with children making them laugh, Stark Industries launches a new line of prosthetics directed at children - with Briar Hill’s own Brian Farthing being the honorary recipient of the very first, with a guaranteed lifetime warranty _completely_ free of charge, and Briar Hill Elementary School receives a five million dollar donation from the Maria Stark Foundation,” Tony interrupts, grinning, “That about cover it?”

Pepper blinks at him. “Fine.” She whirls on Clint. “But you need to bring that adorable child of yours around here more often.”

Clint blinks in shock. “Yes ma’am,” he says, smiling slightly.

~~~~~~

Bucky comes over for dinner that night and they have spaghetti. Bella calls him ‘Poppa’ eighteen times before she goes to bed, and Bucky disappears into the bathroom about halfway through storytime.

When he comes out a few minutes after Bella’s been put to bed, his eyes are ringed in red. Clint doesn’t say anything except, “Yeah. I was a mess the first time she called me daddy.” He shrugs. “You never really get used to it.”

“I could get used to hearing little voices calling you dad,” Bucky breathes, not meeting Clint’s eyes.

“That your way of asking me to have kids with you, Barnes?” Clint grins. Bucky nods. “Well, I suppose I could be convinced,” Clint sighs. Bucky grins at him but Clint holds up a finger before he can speak. “But. I will not be raising any bastard children, no sir, not in this household. So, if you want more kids, you’re gonna have to marry me first.” Clint pulls a little box out of his pocket and pushes it across the table.

Bucky stares at him, then the box, then back to him, and so on and so forth for six minutes (Clint counts). “Well?” Bella’s voice startles them both. They turn to see her standing at the doorway, tapping her foot impatiently. “Are you gonna say yes or not?”

Bucky turns back to Clint, eyes wet and says, “Of course I’ll marry you, you idiot.” Clint laughs and throws himself at Bucky, kissing him thoroughly. He slides the ring he had Tony make special for Bucky’s hand onto his finger, grinning through his tears.

A small hand taps Bucky on the shoulder and he pulls away from Clint to look down at Bella. “Auntie Nat said that if I ever saw this happen, I was supposed to say this.” Her voice takes on an eerie similarity to Nat’s voice and she says, “About _curse word_ time you idiots tied the knot.”

Clint and Bucky burst out laughing and gather the young girl into their arms. She curls up between them and says sleepily, “Daddy, Poppa, can I go back to bed now?”

“Yeah sweetheart, yeah you can,” Bucky says softly, combing his fingers through her hair. She falls asleep in seconds, little snores falling out of her mouth.

“Love you, Buck,” Clint says softly, entwining their fingers.

“Love you too,” Bucky says fondly, “Idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Все будет хорошо = Everything will be okay.
> 
> Thanks to my Official Russian Person (you know who you are) for helping me with that. Love you.


End file.
